Four day count down to the party...

"Yaaay!" party time on Saturday...I can't wait...My plan of action list is...Sir at least 4 spankings...We usually manage about 4...Plus...Magicwand...Missed playing with him at the last party we went to in August..."Gawd!" has it been that long...Anyway...I am also going to play with Mr Marker have already asked him on face book...It will be his 50th sooo he has got to give 50 spankings lol...Nooo not really...

Then there is EddieB if he is going & Artery...Ohhh & any other nice Doms who come & talk to me...If of course I feel comfortable playing with them...In more ways then one lol...Oops I forgot Smac...Must play with Smac he is really good at spanking...A close second to Sir...Who of course will always come first in my mind...{Yes I am grovelling}

I am getting quite excited now...Only 4 days to go...

I have been too busy decorating to write about the 2 spankings I have had in the last month...See life does not evolve around spanking lol...Not that I could ever take it or leave it...I would be climbing the walls rather then painting the walls if I had to go with out spanking...{{{HeeHee}}}...but then...I think I am veeery lucky cos I have reached the stage in my spanking scene life where I know JUST what I want...& with whom...Which feels great...

Nooo more wanna be arrogant sooo called Doms who believe that it is more fun for them if they are "In my head"..."Get out you might get hurt" lol...rather then spanking my bottom...

Seriously though...I am into "Spanking"...I love being spanked...I don't like being punished "Trained!"..."Controled!"...Given stupid tasks like "Don't wear knickers"...Why? Why should I not wear knickers? What does that achieve?...Ohhh yeah I spose I would be obeying my "Master"...Ummm!...

Thank you Sir for never asking me to do anything other then "Over my knee young lady"...Mmmm! now words like that send a tingle right through me...."I am going to give you a thrashing" {{{Sighsss}}} lol...& lots of other words Sir says to me whilst we are playing...

I know each to their own...Everyone has their own likes & dislikes...Everyone has certain things which REALLY get them going...I suppose what I am trying to say is...I have reached a stage in my spanking scene life where I will go for the things I want & avoid the things I don't...Plus..."I am entitled to my own opinion" The same as everyone else...This is my blog so there nuh! {{{Grins}}}

That said...

Sir recieved this PM...

Hi ya,
I have recently opened my own site www.topbottomandswitches.com I have had a word with l4 and she is happy to have Karen sign up as as member as well. It might be an idea if she signed up with a slightly different nic, so she can be accepted for who she is rather than who she was, if you see what I mean.
All future parties will only be advertised on the new site. It doesn't have a chat room just yet, but will soon.
Look forward to seeing you both there.
S xxx
 
When I first read that I must admit my first response...The one which popped into my head was "**ck off!"...The wall I was painting after I read that got painted very fast lol...
 
They seem to forget that I chose to leave Bs...I personally asked to be deleted from the site cos I was fed up with all the gossiping & back stabbing...{Still am}...I was told something about admin & blah dee blah dee blah...My account never got deleted but I did get banned when R my hubbies ex sub posted a response to all the gossiping & back stabbing...Nothing to do with me it was her doing the none stop posting as it got deleted lol...Then there was my dear hubby in there giving his opinion which they deleted...Fine but why buddle me in with what they was doing...Why not just delete me as I asked instead of banning me for life...
 
Hmmm!...I have been going to the Bs parties for the last 6 yrs...{3 1/2 yrs with Sir}Playing...drinking red wine with my friend...Talking to people...I have not been causing trouble unlike some people...There has been nooo dramatics from me...Never will be I am going to play & socialize to the best of my quiet ability...
 
Going back to the PM & the invite...When I got it all into perspective it is just that...A invite to join their group...I will prolly get around to joining the group cos Sir asked me to join the group with him..even though he said I did not have to join if I didn't want to...
 
I have still got a LOT of bad memories attached to Bs...As is prolly very common in a online forum things get taken out of context...twisted...After all there is nothing exciting about normal every day life lol...but...I like my boring mundane unexciting undramatic nooo gossip value life {{{HeeHee}}}
 
Mind you when I think about it...I like my uneventful life but it always seems to turn into a soap opera lol...The gossip about R & my husband was a LOT! more exciting & entertaining then the actual truth...Not helped by the biggest gossip of all spreading around the LOT more dramatic entertaining version..."Ohhh look I have got gossip you like me mooore now don't you"...Nooo mate your still a twat!...
 
When it comes down to it...You are a fat ugly old man smacking a woman's bare bum...Your nothing special...{EB said something like that it cracked me up lol...A man after my own heart...down to earth sees it & says it as it is}Your not "THE!" Master...Your just a person with a kink for spanking..."Get over your self & learn some social skills"...
 
Oops sorry there I go again remembering...reacting...When it is waaay in the past & I am having a great time being spanked by the perfect Dom for me...regularly...
 
Sooo for the confused...I am waffling on & on giving my opinion in my blog & saying "I am still the same person"...Though over the last few years with ALL the crap I have been through with certain people...I have learned how to deal with them..."Don't go there"...Avoid all two faced gossiping sad pathetic people who are people skilled challenged...People skills does not mean being out going...People skills means knowing how to be loyal...respectful...kind...caring...Have the ability to NOT ***t on your so called friends cos YOU think you get more attention...from the people who are not actually your real friends...
 
There are lots more nice genuine people in the scene then not...I have just had the misfortune to have got too close for comfort to a few with serious mental problems...
 
Okay I've finished now...Prolly banned from that site before joining now {{{HeeHee}}}...Ohhh yeah I must add...If people look up my nic in Bs "Sweetlytormented1" they won't find any nasty,bitchy coments...I wrote one "Inteligent!" comment in defense of my husband...in response to a rude self opininated comment...I was not rude...Why was you? Why when we are face to face at parties are you not sooo strong with your views lol...
 
I must also add cos it reads like I am one of those people in Bs who have ongoing virtual forum rows for everyone to read..."One" little comment not a ongoing "Public!" row...The only person I had a problem with at that time was my so called Master who spread lots of gossip even though he knew the truth cos at that time I trusted him with the truth...A lot of the time people get EVERYthing out of context...
 
To be honest I don't want to put myself in that situation EVER! again...
 
Right rant over for now...Back to coffee & painting...In that order lol...
 
Ohhh yeah Ty Brian for a wonderful day...I really enjoyed it too...You are one of the genuine ones in the scene...Which of course there are a lot more then the gossips & back stabbers...Genuine people who are into "Spanking" & other kinks...People who could not careless that so & so fell out with such & such "We DON'T care!"...
 
There I go again using my blog to voice "My" opinion...lol...
 
Definitely going now............................................................................................................
 
Ohhh wait one more thing...The reason we go to the parties is cos there are lots of nice respectful "Genuine" people...That is why my vanilla {As in none spanking} friend enjoys the parties...If you knew Kim you would definitely not call her "Vanilla" lol...Ask Kim about the cinema & how much of the film she actually watches...{{{HeeHee}}}...
 
Gone...........................................................................................................................................

Gawd I do my own head in sometimes...

"Yaaay!" Only another 2 days to go until I see Sir...Ohhh mind you...I did just send him a extra looong waaay too honest for my own good email...Sooo "Yaaakes"...but not a punishment "Yaaakes" cos Sir is not into real life punishing subs...He is more into giving pleasurable spankings...

Sir said... ...."but I was glad to see your blog again and read through your latest post again about my last visit. All I can seay now is that I echo everything you said.......and look forward even more to next Wednesday"...

I did have a emotional hormone induced out burst the other day...Ummm!...

The thing is...

Now I am going to put my foot in it lol...

Actually I might as well go the whole hog & put both my big feet in it...{{{Smiles sweetly}}}

When I am quiet & unasuming...Nooo one notices meee there...When I have a emotional out burst...All of a sudden "Attention"...I have been doing it wrong all these years lol...I did not have a out burst to get attention...I am not the attention seeking type...I prefer the quieter approach...but then my hormones start raging & "BOOM!"...all my pent up niggly thoughts build up & boil over...

I suppose I have to find the middle ground & start "Making a deal" about stuff...Me & John was talking earlier...We was talking about how some women...When a man is nice to them...& their not used to a man being nice to them they read more into it then there actually is...When a man is nice to me I just think he is a nice person lol...

When I was younger...I was quite effectionate...Naively effectionate...I found the opposite...When I was nice to a man he thought he was in with a chance...I remember this male friend...I was around him & his girl friends house...When we went down the shop I went with him...held his hand...Next thing he is kissing me..."Eh? We are friends I held your hand"...Thinking about it now I was wrong...cos if his girlfriend had seen me holding his hand she would have thought I was coming onto her man...Ummm!...

When John used to be effectionate to J & R...I did not feel jelouse...Honest I didn't...I accepted they was friends...but...J & R did not see it as just friendship lol...J thought she was in love {Even though it was cos she felt emotional at the time...Hmmm!...When I feel emotional I don't tell my friends husband that I love him...lol}...So did R...R believed that he was going to leave me & his kids for her...Infact she had the screwed up impression that they prefered her to me...Chloe...Who was 4 at the time called her Mum by mistake...To R that meant Chloe see her as "Mum"...Ummm!...Not quite luv...My children were loving,caring & effectionate to her...She got it in her screwed up head that they prefered her as their Mum...Nooo they was brought up by 2 effectionate,loving,caring parents...Sooo they know how to express appropriate love & effection...Unlike her who thought effection come from having sex with anything with a pulse...

Unfortunately my kids learned the hard way at a young age that there are people out there who are not very nice...John stupidly told R that she was special & that she done a lot for our children...Ummm!...He was trying to make her feel better...She was always crying & being dramatic about something...What she read into her screwed up brain was..."You are more special then my wife & do more for my children then she does"...Not quite...A lesson in life...Make sure the person you are being "Nice" & effectionate too..."Gets it"...The real meaning not the one they...in their screwed up mind want to believe...

As my 16 yo puts it..."Huh! All she done for us was give us nightmares"...

Nuff said...

I could go on...& on & on...but I have got to do something more constructive then blogging...lol...

I will wait patiently for Sirs reply "Yaaakes!"...

HARD! intense...VERY! painful caning...Part Two of my latest spanking account...

That is my kind of therapy  <{link}lol...I was just looking in spanking universe<{link}...I thought I would come & write a bit more about my last spanking...but I am still feeling all emo like...Sooo I apologise in advance for going off into a self obcessed me rant lol...

After being spanked over Sirs knee we went into my bedroom...I was told to kneel on the bed...Sir lifted my white night dress so it was resting on my back...I felt very exposed kneeling there waiting for Sir to do what ever he was going to do to me...I could hear him going through the implement bag behind me...The swooshing sound of the cane gave me an idea what was coming next..."Yaaakes" I love being caned but it hurts sooo much I still feel that lill bit of nervous anticipation...Which is quite nice...Especially when the first agonizing stroke lands & I am reminded of just how much it HURTS!...

Sir did give me a really REALLY hard caning...I was struggling to stay in position...Which adds to the sensations...Though on the 3rd stroke I did yelp "Ooowww! that hurtssss"...Sir was caning me HARD! & quite fast...So it seemed to hurt even more & felt even harder to stay in position...The after effects were extra "Mmmm!" "WOW!" though...

That position is definitely a submissive position lol...I wanted to collapse forward on the bed but I stayed in position...I had the mirror right in front of me...& had even positioned the mirror so I could see myself & Sir behind...but I was still not brave enough to look...I'll definitely manage to look next time lol...

After giving me a REALLY HARD intense..."Painful" thrashing...{I am using pictures to describe lol}...............................................

After being quite litterally thrashed into submission I was very wet...VERY turned on.......

As I said in part one...Sir was very on form lol...

It was "The best" ever...If that is at all possible...Sir took me long...hard...fast & slow...He ***ks as well as he spanks lol...

I thought I was going to explode when he was going really deep & rubbing on my g spot at the same time...


"Woo!" gotta go..................................

Ohhh wait I forgot...When he eventually stopped...After what seemed agesss...Where I was constantly on the verge of exploding lol...Sir used the cane on my pussy...Nooo not my cat my very wet...ultra sensitive pussy...OMG! that was "Fantastic"...Sir is very good & hitting just the right spot with just the right intensity...

Definitely going now...I need a cold shower lol........................................................

From now on...The people close to me will know EXACTLY! what is bothering me...

After 14 months "Estranged" husband is now just "Strange" husband...We are officially Un-separated...well...I am a married woman again...Though...The only thing to change is that we are a couple...I am litterally finacially better off being a separated single mum...What does that say about our society...Ummm!...

We did end up having a REAL! heart to heart...I ended up sobbing..."I did not want my marriage to end...It hurts so much...It hurts every day...I can't cope with it"...When I got married I got married for life...I allowed others to interfere...I allowed other people to ruin our lives...cos I did not make a big deal about it...What those people done was terrible...They should feel ashamed of them selves...They are the ones who **it on me not the other way round...but I'm the one left feeling like total crap...

One of the things which came out in our deep indeph soul searching heart to heart is...that I don't make a deal out of what is bothering me...So he & prolly everyone else close to me thinks I am OK...When I am far from OK...Sooo from now on...I am going to make a HUGE! deal about the things which bother me...I am also going to trust that the people close to me want me... care about me & love me...

In return my husband is not going to get too involved with women who have got emotional issues...

Ohhh I suppose I should write about my play session with Sir last week...but...I'll save that for later...The next part of my spanking was sooooo "Good!!!"...Better then ever before...I didn't think it could get any better...{{{sighs}}}...Will definitely write about that later...

Another thing we talked about whilst dicussing EVERY detail...Was the spanking...Domming thing...John would like to be my Dom...& spank me...but he is just not into it...I told him that I can feel that he is not into it so when on very rare occasions we do try...There is nothing there...It is just like going through the motions...When I play with Sir I can feel he is getting as much pleasure from spanking me as I am from being spanked by him...

That does not mean that I get more from Sir then from my "Vanilla" husband...I can separate the 2...Love of my life "soul mate"...& being spanked by the best Dom ever created for me...Though I do have issues I need to start making a "Deal" about...


Sooo from now on...Any slut comes a long & thinks she can take my husband off me...I will scratch your eyes out "Okaaay"...From now on I am fighting for my marriage...I now trust that my husband loves & adores me & our kids & is going no where...
 
Mind you...I did make the bitches suffer lol...Ummm!...A womans scorn...was a understatement {{{HeeHee}}}...Ohhh dear did I upset you...Tough...Go after a single available man...
 
It is quite possible to separate the 2...I was not bothered by my husband being friends with other women...He gets on better with women then men...Even though he is into sport...He finds it easier to get on with women...Unfortunately he was too "Nice"...too "Soft"...A sucker for a sob story...They saw his being a "Nice" person as more then it actually was...He admits he let them get away with it...Instead of controling the situation...Letting them know that he is happily married & not leaving his wife...
 
I used to agree with the saying that you can love more then one person in different ways...Obviously you can...but it does not work when it involves your wife & your "Special friend" whome you love & care about...That does not work...Not from my experiences anyway...
 
It was never the sex which bothered me...It was the "Love" & the sneaking behind my back which hurt...Which made me feel that my husband wanted to be with her...Though now he is telling me that Rachel got on his nerves most of the time...She was very "Clingy"...Clingy is not good...Too clingy is freaky lol..."Give the man some space he has got a wife & kids not just you"..."You leach!"...
 
Maaaay be I could be a lill more clingy...but I like my own space...I can be very loving & effectionate...then need my own space...That is the person he fell in love with 18 years a go...I can't see myself turning into a emotional leach now...
 
Unfortunately...I am not an attention seeker...Sooo don't give out none stop OTT attention either...According to my husband I am the least attention seeking person going...Apparently I am like no other woman...& as he has told me in the past...I am scarey when I lose it...but he loves my reactions...{Plus he can run faster then me}..Ohh & I am "Strong minded"...Isn't that a polite way of saying stubborn lol...
 
When John showed me just how "Clingy" Rachel was...I told him "Can you move a way cos you are making me feel uncomfortable"...She definitely needs lessons in personal space...Mind you the ultimate revenge...He was trying to watch his racing/football at the time...Men do not want some woman wrapped around them when they are watching sport...Lol!...
 
Where as I gave him space to do his own thing...It was the women who had the issues with my habits not my husband lol...Which if you think about it...Put it in perspective...it is quite funny...
 
Ohhhh yeah that reminds me of one of the parties...Master Cosmic was doing a vacum body bag demo thingy...I turned around...Some dozy bint was sat on Sirs lap...Apparently she was scared...Ohhh diddums...lol...
 
I did not like the idea of being in a body bag with only a straw to breath through either...I turned a way...I did not leap onto B's lap {Who was beside me}...I doubt his sub {at the time} would have appreciated me clinging to her Dom...
 
It was funny though...When Sir came over...Crouched down in front of me...said "Did you see J sitting on my lap?"...I said "Yes & I was not impressed"...Well I wasn't...I had the intense urge to walk over...Say "Excuuuuse me" SHOVE her off & sit on my Dom's lap...but I done the adult none "Making a deal" meee thing & sat there seething with I hate manipulative women...aggravation...I would say aggravated rather then annoyance lol...
 
Gotta go.....................................

Did victorian ladies wear pink fluffy slippers?...PartOne of my first spanking of 2010...

I thought I would write about my first spanking of 2010...As usual it was very "Mmmm!"...Sir was very on form when it come to the thrashing me into submission then taking me...I think the long white cotton victorian nighty helped lol...

Ohhh & thoughts of pride & predjudice...Sir had been watching pride & predjudice...

"Mmmm!" I wouldn't mind being spanked by Darcy...Are there any Darcy look alikes out there in Dom land???...No? Oh well I'll have to use my imagination lol...

It did feel very sensual laying across Sirs knee...Completely covered...Knowing that soon I would be completely exposed & feel intense pain...Cotton feels very sensual on your skin when it is being rubbed erotically across your bottom...

I tingled even more when Sir took one of my slippers off me...

The anticipation I spose...I could feel one bare foot...& one with my slipper...I hate the slipper...So the anticipation was enhanced lol...

It is the first time in ages I have been spanked over sirs knee whilst he was sitting on the settee...So that added to the sensations...I think that is my favourite position...

After what seemed ages...but was prolly only seconds...Sir lifted my nightdress so I was completely bare..."Mmmm!"...I love being given a OTK hand spanking...I was still very aware of having one cold foot though lol...So I pushed that foot up against the other settee...That helped a little...

The first spank with the slipper did make me giggle...cos it did not sting at all...but I think Sir was leading me into a false sense of security...{{{Pouts}}} cos the other spanks with the slipper did..."Ooowww!"...Heres me thinking it was too light to give a proper spanking...I was wrong...Plus...now I have a constant reminder every time I put them on...

I think it was the pink fluffiness which fooled me lol...

"Not that I need an excuse to give you a sound thrashing in the New Year, as we know, but a few extra strokes are due I think!"

I am feeling more relaxed & stress free now "Phew"...I finally got a letter from the agent...It looks like I can stay here for another year as sole tennant...& they are sending in the maintenance team...Sounds like the A team lol...

I did want to move...but I object to paying out sooo much money in admin fee's when it is not garanteed that I will even get the property...I have found a new appreciation for the house I am in...We are having a move around instead of moving...

My bed room will be the lounge...The lounge will be Chloes bedroom/play room...Chloes room my bedroom...Jade & Ryan are swapping bedrooms...Amy is the only one staying put...

All that should keep me occupied for a few weeks...Prolly more like months..................

Oops!...I just went off into a long rant then...but copied & pasted it into my private blog...then deleted it...

I am looking forward to having a move round...& especially looking forward to Wednesday 13th January...Though I have got my fingers crossed that the snow would have cleared by then...Ohhh yeah...Then Brian on Friday 29th January...& then the party on Saturday 13th February...Unless of course Sir can visit me before the party...{{{Flutters eye lashes & looks very hopeful}}}...Not that I am hinting or anything...{I'm doing the puppy dog eyes now}

Apparently I am going to get extra strokes of the cane...

Sir said-Well, now I'm in facebook...and I'm getting all sorts of "friendship" requests...some of which are directly down to you, young lady, so they say! Not that I need an excuse to give you a sound thrashing in the New Year, as we know, but a few extra strokes are due I think!

I said-"Yaaay!"...Oops I mean "Ohhh nooo" {{{pouts}}}...

Then Sir said- "Make up your mind! lol".....



Me- "{{{HeeHee}}}...May be you should give me EXTRA extra strokes lol"...

Sir- "Well, I'm getting loads of "farmville" requests from eveyone now, which is driving me nuts, so perhaps you WILL get extra extra....lol! I've heard it's really addictive, so am resisting the temptation to get involved.....

Ohhh dear...{{{Grins}}}...

Yes farmville is addictive...I really enjoy keeping my virtual farm...

Sir also said- "I hope you got what you wanted for christmas"...

Me- "I got a new white cotton nighty from past times...I could see by my mums expression that she was wondering why I was sooo pleased to get a big nighty lol...Either that & she guessed"...

Sir again- "Ooh! Well, I should look forward to seeing you in that, of course! the taking it off you again - well, in parts, anyway! lol


I am really looking forward to Wednesday now...The last time I wore my other white nighty I ended up kneeling on the bed...Bent over the foot board of my bed...Elbows on the low chair...Night dress around my neck...Stuck in postion cos my arms got stuck in the night dress lol...

Sir gave me a really HARD!...intense thrashing...

Extra extra strokes sounds very Mmmm! to me...Of course Sir did not mean it as punishment...Punishment for me is no spanking {Not that he ever punishes me}...He meant it in a light hearted way...Our spanking play sessions are always in fun...cos we both love spanking...Sir giving of course lol...

Oops!...I went off into another rant then deleted it...

I am going before I get another attack of the bitch women {Other women that is} iritation...I need some ointment lol...

WWII Bomb moved the earth for me lol...

I found a house I like {A lot}...It looks like it has not been touched in decades...Lots of beautiful features...Unfortunately someone else was looking at the same time...Ummm!...The house is about 2mins max walk away...As we was walking towards the house we heard a loud BOOM! & the earth shook...John went running back to check the emergency gas...holes in the pavement close to our house had not exploded...Then as we're standing out side waiting for the agent this women came walking up & stood by us...At first she said nothing but she must have seen the look on my face so said hello & told us she was looking too...I did feel really peeved {I liked the house "Grrr!"}...but I just said "I hope we don't both want the house otherwise we will have to fight"...I was joking...

The agent arrives...I walk in through the front door...Fall straight in love...I am thinking I want this house...Walked in the BIG lounge...Fell more in love...Dining room is separate & big...Kitchen is biggish but dated...Looks like the units my mum & Dad had in our house when I was 6 lol...

Ohhhh then we go up the stairs past the beautiful small bay stainned glass window...Onto the big landing looking onto the beautiful stainned glass window...That woman was beginning to irritate...I could tell she wanted it too...but she was trying her hardest to hog the agent..."Bitch!!!"...{Only joking}...

When she finally buggered off down stairs...I told the agent I was interested...& that I noticed the other woman was interested too...He said...What they would do is take both our applications to the landlord...& let him decide which one of us he wanted to accept...Ummm!...She is married I am separated...It is not difficult to work out which one of the applicants he would choose...

Ohhh & I had to pay £250 admin too...I can not afford to lose that much money...On the way out she {BITCH!} was down stairs on the phone to her husband..."Grrrrr!"...

I was really upset...I sooo desperately wanted that house...

I must admit when I walked back into my house...The first thought which popped into my head was...""this house is as lovely as that one" {Apart from the beautiful stainned glass window which was gorgous}...{Mind you...even though it faced the Thames Estury...The view was of the side of next door lol}...

John phoned the estate agents...Explained to them that I was interested but so was the other person...They was more or less trying to get me down straight away with my admin fee...Yeah great...Then I don't get the place & to rub salt into the wound I lose £250..."Grrr!"...I did go into one...Started ranting about being stuck in this house...& NOTHING will ever change...

John went off to work I blogged in my private blog to calm myself down...lol...

This is what I ranted...{Poor key board lol}

"I just blogged myself out of a scarey moment..."Phew!"...
"FUCK MY LIFE!!!"..."STUCK!" "TRAPPED!" The high light of my fucking life...Life is what you make it...Yeah fucking right...Life is what obstacles you can get over with out to much damage...
May be I should forget about moving & concentrate on this place...Instead of saving to move I should be saving to stay & make my home "MY HOME!"...
May be instead of swearing at the scum out the back I should be getting a form from the council & "COMPLAINING!"...Why let some shit bag imigrant ruin my life...
I feel better now...More "Empowered!"...More "Determined!"...
My honest feeling as I walked back through my front door...Upset & pissed off...Was "this house is as lovely as that one...I could use my money to do so much"...Ummm!...
but then there was that niggling..."Ohhh but I want a garden"..."The fucking noisey neighbours"...This house is BIG!...5 bed rooms...BIG lounge...Tinsy kitchen & crap bathroom but hey I can't have everything...
May be I should be finding out if I can stay...I could ask them to decorate & do all the jobs that need doing...I could get an allotment..."

That was my rant lol...Made me smile reading back over it...

I wrote a letter & handed it in to the agents to this house...Now I am waiting to hear from them...What they have to say...I am really nervous...cos when we renewed our contract 2 yrs ago we heard from them in the October...About 4 months before the end of our contract...It is now 5 weeks before the end of my contract...Plus...Even if I can stay...There are sooo many jobs which need desperately doing...It took about 3 weeks of nagging to get a broken window replaced...Ummm!...

Ohhh & to add yet more stress to my life...John phoned & asked about my needing a guarantor...He can't be my guarantor cos he does not earn 3x the annaul rent...Such is life...but they {any} agent would have taken my admin fee before turning me down...

Sooo if I can't stay here I am stuck...Though it might do me a favour cos the council would prolly help me...

Ohhh yeah the explosion...It was a WWII bomb down the road...lol...Was that an omen...

My life is in limbo at the mo...Well concerning where I will be living is in limbo...I have got January 13th to look forward to...When Sir comes to see me...

I definitely need my red wine tonight...

Is there a Sims spanking patch???...

"Phew!" depressed moment has passed...I am feeling more positive again...I am looking at another house tomorrow...& hopefully looking at the house 2 minutes walk from where I am now...Though that has still got the sash windows & I was hoping to find a house with double glazing...but they are sooo beautiful...The house I am in now has got sash windows...It costs a fortune to heat...but then it is a big place...

Gawd!...I've gone from depressed to waffling lol...

I definitely need spanking..."Hint!-Hint!-HINT!!!"...

Ohhh yeah...When I was being spanked on the 21st Dec...My ghost decided to intervene lol...I had a shock...cos it sounded like my daughters had come home...I also had a shock cos before the banging...foot steps in the hall & female voice...I was over Sirs knee...He was holding me around the waist & rubbing my bottom...I could feel 3 hands lol...I was trying to work out what he was doing...Then I felt as if someone was standing behind me...

Sir heard the banging...foot steps & girls voice too...So I'm not going mad...lol...

I had to stop cos I felt freaked out...but not for long...After a break we started again...

I have reached the "Getting frustrated & in need NEED! of a thrashing" stage...It has been 2 weeks since my last spanking...OMG! how can I possibly survive lol...

May be the niggling "Ohhh I want a spanking" thoughts are cos I am more stressed & cos I have heard nothing from Sir since we last met...I am avoiding looking at or reading anything to do with spanking...Concentrating on my farmville farm,cafe,aquarium & pets...They keep my mind occupied...Oh & Sims...Ohhh yeah...It was sooo funny...I made a PE sim & his sub...Though they don't do Dom & sub traits lol...He behaved exactly the same...was sooo funny to watch...I'll end up with a neighbour hood full of Bs sims lol...

Then I was drawn into looking at spanking pic's..."Groans"...Now I have got the niggling "I want a spanking" thoughts...

I have been chatting to a few frustrated Dom's {On face book}...Who don't get to spank as much as they  would like...That reminded me just how lucky I am...The longest I go is 4 weeks...

Ohhh yeah Brian is coming to see me on the 29th January...He is going to give me a thrashing...Harder then last time..."Yaaakes!"...Brian prolly thinks I am avoiding him at the mo...cos twice he has pm'd me on yahoo & cos it goes into my yahoo email inbox I don't always notice...

Gotta go...I am going around Kims for our usual red wine & natter...Johns ears will be burning lol...

A typical depressed meee moment..."Groans"...

Ohhh dear I have gone into sad...feeling sorry for myself mode...I have been listening to sad music...well...blasting my ear drum out with LOUD music lol...Music is very good for getting myself through the depressed poor meee stage...

This song usually does it...Sugar babes round & round {click on words}

That is my empowering song lol...No offense to men...

This song made me laugh...



That is my..."Do I give a *UCK!" song lol...& it helped me get life in perspective lol...

Do I care...

When I thought about it seriously...After deleting my blog {Again..."Groans"}...I realized...well remembered...That I am in control of my own life...All the bad crappy things have made me a stronger person...

I am a sub...who loves being spanked...& this is my spanking blog...but there is more to me then just a submissive...

This song says it all...This song explains why I struggle sometimes...

My life is more dramatic then East Enders...& that is saying something lol...

I looked at a house today...It started off ok...Then I saw the orange pine...{in need of painting}...cieling in the lounge...with 4 huge holes where spot lights had been...Ummm!...Then the missing banister...& the missing cupboard under the stairs door...& the HUGE!!!...Pile of rubble...Bigger then the house...Out the back where obviously they are about to build lots of new houses..."Nah!"...Imagine the noise...& the dust...Sooo I'm not bothering with that house...but there is always the house I'm looking at tomorrow...

Before we looked at the house...{I took John a long for his opinion}...I warned him NOT! to yak all the way round...I do not want to hear..."Nice carpet" {When it is crap}..."Nice size room" {When it is a box}...It puts me off...cos I'm thinking..."What do you mean nice size room???...Its a box FFS!"...When I should be looking at the potential etc etc...

Its like when someone tells you that some woman your about to meet is gorgous...You meet her...& instead of meeting her for who she is...You are thinking..."Eh?...Wot da ya mean shes gorgous???...Shes pig ugly...Actually she looks like a fish"...I am talking from experience lol...The woman was a very nice person...but cos I had been told how wonderfully pretty she was I was looking at her in a more critical way...I prefer to make my own mind up about people/houses...lol...

Its like when I am trying to look at a house & my estranged husband does not stop the running commentry...I think even the person who is showing us round is thinking "Are you taking the *iss cos even I can see this is a box/crap carpet...in need of a major refurbishment"...

John started the yaking as soon as we got into the first room...I said..."I thought you was not going to start yaking"...He shut up after that...

Since I have been looking at houses on right move...I have felt that over powering...Wanting to keep some control...feeling from him...It makes me feel stressed & drained...Why can't he just accept that "WE ARE SEPERATED!"..."Grrr!"...

He will be at work when I look tomorrow...I might drag Kim a long so I have a 2nd opinion...

I was doing really well with my diet...Then my dear estranged husband stresses me out...I end up comfort eating...Dipping salt & vinegar crisp in left over dip from Thursday night was not very comforting...

Nooo I don't need a Dom to tell me to go to bed early & what I can & can't eat...Nooo I don't need punishing for comfort eating...I know I should be in bed...& I know I should have avoided the left overs from New years eve...

The thing is...I want to move on...Start a new life...but my estranged husband is holding me back rather then "Getting a life" himself...He always seems to go for the poor hard done by...Rather then the "In control of myself"...He chooses to sleep in a freezing room in a shared house...Rather then get himself a flat...Its not like we own the house so I get the house cos of the kids...

He is doing my head in...

Why can't he JUST "GROW UP!"...

When I move...It will be my house...In my name...I don't want his man piles every where...I'm sure he does it on purpose so he feels like it is his home...It is MY HOME!...I don't want his little piles of coins...keys...useless stuff which he could throw away...He insists on starting his man piles in my bedroom...I try to remove them...but they keep creeping back...Can't he start a man pile in his room...Do I want his washing ALL over my radiators...Do I want his shaving stuff in my bathroom...Can he not throw the empty stuff a way...Or is he trying to take over my bathroom...

When I move there will be nooo shaving stuff but my own...Nooo Johns tooth brush...Nooo Johns clothes...Keys...coins..."Rubbish"...It took me about 3 years to finally separate...After being separated for one year...I am still trying to assert my independence...

Basically...I bought my own Christmas presents...The extra money towards the kids Christmas presents was what he owed me...but according to him that was extra money...I can't have my money this week...cos I got christmas presents...

I took lots of deep breaths...Then calmly said..."You need to start managing your money...The extra money was what you owed me...& basically I bought my own Christmas presents"...He wanted to give me a itemised list of what he spent...I told him I don't want a itemised list I want you to manage your money...Three times I told him that...I stayed calm...Even though inside I am SCREAMING!..."Nothing will EVER change"...& that really REALLY! scares the hell out of me...

Oops!...I just went off into a angry,frustrated,hurt...rant...I deleted it lol...but it did make me feel better...May be now is the time to write about it...but not blog about about it...My life over the last 18 yrs has been one long soap opera...{{{HeeHee}}}...

I am going before I go off on another rant.............................................................................